Learning to Let Go
by emptyonideas
Summary: The last thing she needed was another man to worry about...especially a knight with a thirst for making trouble. Gwaine/OC
1. Chapter 1

**This will take place in season four, but won't strictly adhere to events (some will happen, but time periods may be stretched or sped up...working within story lines makes me too nervous). So, some spoilers, be warned!**

* * *

Antoinette checked and re-checked her things, watching the window. She didn't often have a day entirely to herself, and the anticipation made her toes bounce. She fluttered around her small kitchen, her eyes flicking back outside as she tidied things that didn't need it and twirled her hair.

Finally, after straightening the labels on her jars for the second time, she noticed the familiar outline of her friend. They hardly saw each other lately, and Antoinette missed talking to someone who was not related to her or talking about swords and tournaments.

"Gwen!" she greeted, as the tell-tale creak of her door sounded. She'd been asking Tristan to get oil for it for weeks. It woke her every time the boys came in late.

"How are you Nette?" Gwen asked, walking in to the house, smiling sheepishly.

"Great!" She picked her basket up off the table. "Are you about ready to go? We should get to the spot so we can enjoy this weather. I even pulled Mrs. Mortimer's arm for a piece of her husband's freshest bread. I have everything prepared and you're..." she trailed off when she saw Gwen's expression. "Not coming."

"I am so sorry," Gwen said, her eyes filled with guilt.

"Obligations?" Antoinette asked sourly, putting her basket back on the table.

"There is just so much to do, you wouldn't believe," Gwen said apologetically. "But Arthur suggested you come for dinner one night. You can help me with some of the wedding plans."

"Yes...yes, that'd be lovely."

"Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the situation. A perfect day wasted!" she turned to Gwen with a small smile. "And to be honest, I'm a _little_ mad at you."

"Well don't hold back! Please,_ please_ promise to come visit me soon."

"Can't you declare a holiday or something? You can do that now, can't you?" Antoinette joked.

"Not quite," Gwen laughed, shaking her head. "But once the wedding is over with, I'll definitely have more free time."

"I'm holding you to that."

"Why don't you have lunch with Tristan and Alynor? I saw them heading to the forest anyway."

"I suppose they would be my second choice," she said, sighing. "Out of two."

"Oh stop it, you three are great friends," Gwen said, touching her shoulder. "Don't forget your third option-Sam."

"He would be my last choice out of...everybody," Antoinette said, shivering as she thought of the twitchy son of the butcher. "My brothers it is."

Gwen laughed again, leaning down to give Antoinette a hug.

"Sorry again, Nette. I'll get word to you about that dinner."

Antoinette returned the hug and silently willed Gwen to stay. She didn't have many female friends that she actually got along with, but Gwen actually laughed at her sense of humor instead of sticking her nose up at her.

"Stop breaking my heart, Gwen," she said, waving her hand. "Just go!"

"I will see you soon!"

Gwen smiled one more time before shutting the door behind her. Antoinette sighed. She had a perfectly good basket of food, and a perfectly good day of sunshine, so she supposed she ought to take Gwen's advice and look for her brothers.

* * *

She heard the clash of metal before her brother's voices, but she knew it was them. Alynor had been teaching Tristan to use a sword every weekend for as long as she could remember. He didn't have much to teach him anymore, but they still went and always came back sweating and smiling.

Antoinette tried to hold the basket and her skirts off the ground for about five minutes before giving up and letting her dress fall. It was already slightly dirty at the bottom, but she was just seeing her brothers, and they wouldn't notice if she was wearing a burlap sack unless she danced and shouted around them.

They never went too far from their house, and she spotted their two dark heads right before almost tripping over a root. She steadied herself just as Tristan noticed her.

"Netty has brought us a feast!"

"Who says it's for you?" she said, putting the basket on a patch of grass.

"Well I hope you wouldn't come all this way just to eat in front of us," Alynor said, grinning and shoving his sword into the ground. "Now what are we having?"

She rolled her eyes. If there was anything she could count on, it was that her brother's would always be hungry. She supposed it stemmed from their childhood, when food had been scarce. They'd been making do lately, but the habit of eating quickly and eagerly lingered.

"Bread, cheese, and a little fruit," she replied, spreading out the blanket she'd taken along. She settled herself down while Tristan and Alynor tumbled down to the ground.

"I call half," Tristan said, reaching for the bread.

"You cannot call _half_, you're lucky to get any," Antoinette said, smacking Tristan's hand away. "This was for me and Gwen."

"Where is she?" Alynor asked, ripping the bread in three even pieces. Always the peace maker between them, he did things almost automatically.

"She had more important matters to deal with," Antoinette's face turned to a deep frown. "Which I suppose will only happen more and more."

"Well she's always given us good advice," Alynor said, leaning back to look up at the treetops. "Now we just have to share her."

"Maybe she'll give us some gold or jewels...for you know, supporting her before she made the leap up," Tristan said somewhat garbled, his mouth already full of bread.

_Maybe she'll give you a new brain_, Antoinette thought, pushing it down in an effort to maintain peace.

"She doesn't owe us anything," she said instead, "She's been a great friend."

"Alright, not riches. Maybe just some new armor. And a good sword."

Antoinette softened, looking at her brother's ratty clothes. They'd made a lot of sacrifices for her, taking jobs where they'd worked their fingers to the bone. They did deserve a few nice things. Maybe she _could_ set something up with Gwen, if she could do some labor for the wedding or something else useful...

"Wait a second, Trist...didn't you lose your sword?" Antoinette asked, looking where he'd stuck his beside Alynor's. It was definitely of a better quality than Alynor's, although she didn't know why. She had no knowledge of swords, but it seemed to be newer and have a bigger handle.

"Well...yes."

Tristan shifted uncomfortably and Antoinette's previous guilt faded away.

"Where did you get that sword?" she asked.

"I borrowed it?"

"From who?" she and Alynor echoed at the same time.

"From me."

They all jerked to their right, where the voice had come from. Antoinette felt fear rise in her stomach. She recognized the knight from brief ventures to the castle. He didn't look like he wanted to harm them, but he most certainly could get Tristan in a lot of trouble if he wanted to.

"Well not me specifically, but the training grounds the knights use," the knight corrected, his red cloak moving around his legs as he walked forward. "I followed you here...sorry I didn't make myself known sooner but I couldn't help but...overhear."

They all watched him in silence, and he raised his hands, grinning. It made him even handsomer, and it made Antoinette blush against her will.

"Alright you got me, I was eavesdropping!"

He looked like he was joking, but Antoinette wasn't sure if he was being humorous or playing games with them. She hoped for the former.

"I am very sorry, Sir, my brother is not quite right in the head," Alynor apologized, his glare at Tristan as sharp as the stolen sword.

"Well that's a shame, because I was going to ask you if you ever considered being knights. Well you two, although I haven't seen the lady with a blade yet."

He winked, further confusing Antoinette. She watched him grin even more at her expression. Now that she was getting more time to look at him, she remembered rumors of him being a notorious flirt. She didn't want to swoon like all the empty headed ladies, but she couldn't control her impulses. Instead, she just hoped her cheeks weren't betraying her.

She felt the heat from her skin fade as the knight turned his attention to her brothers. She waited for their refusal to come...but it didn't.

"You really think so?" Tristan asked, his eyes wide and bright.

"I never thought about it," Alynor said his eyes going distant.

"We are pretty good," Tristan said, elbowing his brother in the stomach.

"Please Sir, their heads are already so big they can't hold them up."

The words slipped from Antoinette's mouth before she really thought about them, and her eyes widened, but the knight let out a short but loud laugh.

"I'm sorry...?

"Antoinette," she supplied, wondering when her name started sounding so stupid. "And this is Tristan and Alynor."

"I'm Gwaine. And you two would have to work on you know, _not_ stealing things, but you're obviously brave and both skilled with a blade. We've been looking for new recruits."

Antoinette thanked her stars that this knight was so peculiar. She expected them to leave in shackles, not chat like friends.

"Shouldn't you be...angry?" Antoinette asked, her voice once again slipping out despite her embarrassment.

"Do you want me to be angry?" Gwaine asked, his eyes twinkling in a way that she could see from where she stood.

"No, but it would certainly make more sense."

"Well let's just say someone once gave me a second chance. And I have a soft-spot for someone who doesn't always adhere _entirely_ to the rules."

"Well...thank you," Alynor said, his spine straightening.

"Please...let me do something. To amend my actions," Tristan added.

Antoinette looked in disbelief at her brother, who'd never offered to amend anything in his life. Then again, this was a surprising day if she'd ever had one.

"Just come down next week. I can't guarantee you'll become a knight. The training is hard. But it's worth a try."

"We'll be there," Tristan said firmly, nodding his head.

"Oh, and one more thing?" Gwaine asked, grinning widely.

"Yes?"

"Give me my sword back."

* * *

**I'm going through Merlin withdrawals, so voila! I can't decide if this will be a short story or regular, so let me know if you like it! **


	2. Chapter 2

"Those brothers of yours have been looking happy lately," Mrs. Mortimer said to Antoinette, hoisting up a crate into her arms. She was getting upwards in her years, but she could carry more than some men in the village. "How are they doing?"

Antoinette looked away from her, putting the left side of their display into another crate. Breaking down the stall they sold their spices from was her favorite part, a nice quiet way to end the day.

"They think they're knights already," Antoinette sighed, smelling an unmarked jar so she could write the proper label on it later. "It's all they talk about."

"And what do you think?" Mrs. Mortimer asked.

Antoinette sighed again. The air felt heavy leaving her lips.

"I think it's dangerous," she admitted. Mrs. Mortimer was the closest thing she had to a mother and she wanted to see if she was being too concerned. "Gwen is always worried about Arthur, whether she says it or not. And we've all heard of and known knights that have died in the line of duty."

"Yes, but we've also heard of knights that have saved countless lives and defended our kingdom," she reminded.

"And I appreciate that. But does it have to be my family?"

"Well nothing is official, so I say don't worry just yet," Mrs. Mortimer said, "Why don't you get home early and relax tonight?"

"I can stay and finish, it's no problem."

"Nonsense. You work too hard, delivering for me all the time. Don't make me say it twice," Mrs. Mortimer warned, her voice not quite as intimidating as she thought it was.

"Thank you," Antoinette smiled, putting her last jar in the crate. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight Nette," Mrs. Mortimer said warmly.

Antoinette heard the clinks of bottles fade away as walked home. It was growing dark much later in the day than usual because of the oncoming Summer. She passed by others packing up their stalls, some already long gone, and some still clinging to the last hour of daylight. She smiled at the familiar faces, but didn't stop to talk anyone.

She was close to the castle now. She squinted up at it, smiling when she thought of Gwen inside. Sometimes, when she was feeling hungry and tired and didn't want to even wake up, she thought of Gwen. Gwen, who had worked so much, so often without complaint, and who now was going to be a Queen. Her best friend was going to be a _Queen._ Surely her own life could change if that was true.

She heard the clang of swords meeting each other as she continued to walk. She really thought this whole "knight" business would blow over. Tristan would lose interest, feel over-worked from knight training and helping the blacksmith, and then Alynor would leave to go make sure he wasn't going to get into trouble anywhere else.

But that didn't happen. Antoinette had waited a few days. And then a few more.

"Arthur really knows what he's doing, I can tell I'm getting better…" Alynor told her at one dinner.

"They treat us with respect. Things are really changing since you didn't have to be noble born anymore." Tristan added on the next day.

"I wish mom was here, she would fall over to see us out there with all those red cloaks," Alynor said wistfully.

Antoinette listened, happy their spirits were high, but feeling a stone of dread weighing down her stomach. If they did become knights, what would happen to her? She was going to be left alone while they were out there. They were going to be risking their lives.

She already lost her parents. What if she lost her brothers too?

* * *

Life could change so quickly. One moment, Antoinette had parents and two brothers and although they were not rich, they were happy.

The next, she was without them, hungry all the time, crying herself to sleep. If Alynor had not found work, she didn't want to imagine what would have became of them.

In another flash, she was finding Mrs. Mortimer. She'd taken to Antoinette right away, trusting her with deliveries and help, becoming a presence in her life she never took for granted.

The next moment, she was meeting Gwen. Gwen, Lady Morgana's maid, which at the time Antoinette thought was such a prestigious position. She wanted to go back in time and tell herself the sweet girl she'd stumbled into at the market would one day be her Queen.

And now, she was meeting the people in her brother's daily stories. Knights that defended the whole kingdom. And all because of one decision her brother made.

One thing that Antoinette didn't account for was the quickness in which her brothers would take to the other knights. When they weren't training with them, they were at the tavern with them, or Antoinette's new favorite, at home with them.

She didn't like to admit it, but having their house filled with voices and laughter comforted her. And she liked to have people to entertain other than brothers.

At first, they weren't sure how to treat her. She wasn't a lady like they were used to dealing with, and she noticed how formal they were being when she first met them. But she had followed her father around on his errands until she was ten years old, and since then, she'd always felt she got along better with men.

After she had been introduced to Leon, Percival, Elyan and Gwaine (again) the stories and challenges had begun.

_"Percival can beat anyone in an arm wrestle. I'll bet you anything you want," Gwaine boasted, looking at Alynor with a smirk. "I dare you to try." _

_"Alright, we'll see about that," Alynor said, taking a sip of his drink for courage and pushing up the sleeve of his dirtied shirt._

_Percival grinned, shifting to the other side of the table. He was the quietest one, she thought, but he made up for his presence with his size. Even though she wasn't at the table, she could tell that much._

_"Wait!" she called, pushing from her position leaning against the sink. _

_The knights eyed her warily, probably thinking she would protest. Instead, she moved the two mugs near Percival and her brother._

_"Now you'll have more room," she said with a smile, nodding to continue._

After that, they seemed to like her just fine. She tried to give them space, let them talk freely without worrying of offending her, but their home was so small she could feel their voices everywhere.

It had only been two weeks, but she suddenly felt like her family had grown larger.

She saw the lights on in her house before even getting there. Now she wouldn't quite get to relax as Mrs. Mortimer had insisted. She still had their conversation flowing in her mind, and hoped her sour mood wouldn't show as she pushed open the creaking door.

Almost as if sensing her exhaustion, Percival and Leon had presented her with flowers.

Her worry melted away for the moment. She had many nights to worry about her brothers being in danger, but for now they were here and in front of her.

"Thank you boys!" she exclaimed, taking the flowers into her hands. They were white and red, and her mother would have known their names, but she had never taken care to learn. She smelled them with her back to everyone, finding the glass she usually put flowers in. Tristan used to pick them for her on the side of the road before he started worrying about being too tough to carry them home.

She put some water in the glass and looked for an empty space on the counter. Moving aside a jar of spice, she nestled the flowers near the window.

She should have sensed it was coming, because for all the politeness and good cheer the knights sent her way, there were some that were different. Some more annoying than others. And by some she meant one. And by one she meant Sir Gwaine.

"That's crooked," Gwaine informed her.

Antoinette stepped back to look.

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not," she argued, her chest already tightening with the stems of an argument. She had grown past being flustered around him very quickly, and now would only blush when he directly commented on her appearance.

"I can see that it is."

"Well then you have a crooked head, or you're losing your eyesight. I suggest you see Gaius in the morning."

"You're very quick to anger, Ant," Gwaine said, taking a sip of his drink.

She hated how he did that. Started an argument and then made her feel silly or over-reactive. She pushed her tongue into the back of her teeth so she wouldn't do something completely un-ladylike.

"Don't call me that, Gwaine," she said, glaring at him.

"He's trying to get a rise out of you, Antoinette, don't let him have it," Sir Leon said, winking at her. She found Sir Leon to be her favorite, mostly because he always stood up for her against Gwaine.

"It is a little crooked though," Tristan added, grinning at her.

She glared now at her brother. Leave it to him to continue on the conflict.

"When you leave, feel free to take my brother with you," she told Leon and Elyan, making them laugh and Tristan frown.

Antoinette smiled before starting to clean the kitchen up of the few dirty plates left around. They never had much to offer, and she was sure the knights were used to better, but they still always came with a smile.

"We shouldn't stay long tonight. Training early in the morning," Sir Percival said, sitting down. He'd gotten the rickety stool today, which Leon had a few days before. Every time one of them moved Antoinette was afraid it would break under them, but thankfully it had remained in tact so far.

"Antoinette, do you remember the dice game father always used to play?" Alynor asked, rummaging in their desk for their lone set of dice.

"Of course."

"What do you say we teach these fellows about it?"

Antoinette looked forlornly at her room, and back to their expectant faces. Before this knight fiasco had begun, Alynor and Tristan had claimed she was 'becoming a bore' and she almost felt like they were right. Recently, she'd felt she was older than she was, ready to settle into a routine and stay there, and not happy about it. But with new people and excitement, she almost felt like possibilities were blossoming.

"Only if they don't mind losing to a girl," she said with a grin, joining them at the table.

She smiled and forgot her earlier worries.

* * *

A while later, with her vision starting to blur into small numbered dots, she pushed her seat back and became a spectator instead of a player. Sensing that she was about to leave, Elyan turned to her.

"You're coming to dinner with Gwen and Arthur tomorrow, right?" he asked.

"Tomorrow?" Antoinette asked, her eyebrows raising and her fingers curling to her palms.

"Oh...I may have been supposed to tell you that," Tristan said, biting his lip.

"I have to make a delivery tomorrow for Mrs. Mortimer. I won't have time to clean a dress! I don't even _have_ a decent dress." She felt her panic rise, knowing she couldn't turn up in the castle looking like a mess.

"You don't have to wear a dress at all," Gwaine said, winking at her.

This resulted in a heavy slap on the back of the head from Tristan.

"Thank you, Sir Gwaine," she said, rolling her eyes and trying not to blush. If she reacted, it would only give him satisfaction, and the last thing he needed was another woman swooning over him.

"It's just a few people going," Elyan tried to soothe her, "Well...everyone here. And Arthur and Gwen, and maybe one or two others, but that's it."

"Thank you Elyan, you've really helped," Antoinette said, her eyes finding the ceiling. "I suppose I'll figure something out."

"I've got a nice tunic you could wear," Gwaine offered, his eyes finding hers again.

"I might take you up on that," she sighed. "If you boys don't mind, I'm going to head to bed."

With her head swimming with possibilities about tomorrow, and everyone bidding her goodnight, she left the room.

* * *

Alynor hadn't just been Antoinette's brother, but also her father. She was only ten when their parents died, and being five years older than her had left him with a certain sense of responsibility. Although she often chastised him and Tristan like she was the oldest, the fact was that she wasn't, and he would protect her if it meant his own life.

So although he knew Gwaine was no harm, he pushed his seat a little closer to him, and made sure no one could hear their words.

"It's fine if you tease my sister, Gwaine," Alynor said, "But if you hurt her I'll have to hurt you."

"You think you could?" Gwaine asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm serious," Alynor said, pointing his gaze.

"Don't worry, brother," Gwaine said, using the word freely even though he was not yet a knight. He patted Alynor on the back. "It is only teasing. That's as far as it goes."

Satisfied, Alynor leaned back and started listening to the group conversation once more. Gwaine took a bigger sip of his drink.

* * *

**Thank you to all who reviewed! I wasn't sure anyone would read this, so it was so nice to see. Keep it coming! I'd love to know who's out there!**

**P.S. Does anyone know how long would be a plausible period to become a knight?**


	3. Chapter 3

Antoinette was rushing. The last thing she needed was to be late, especially since she wasn't sure she'd even be presentable. She hoped her dress was as clean as it looked in the dim light of morning. She hoped her manners were right, and she didn't say anything silly or inappropriate. Really, she kind of hoped nobody except Gwen would talk to her, and she wouldn't even have the _opportunity_ to do any of the things she worried about.

She was hoping a lot of things today.

She'd met Arthur of course. But only briefly, and never in a formal setting. She was lucky she'd met some of the knights, but still...their manners not only outdid her brothers, but herself.

How did her brothers shed their bad behavior? She'd heard Tristan belch as loud as a horn on more than one occasion. She'd seen Alynor forget to wear shoes. And yet, they had no qualms with trying to become knights and take on a new life. They weren't even worried about tonight.

She wished she didn't think so much about things. She wished she wasn't afraid all the time of what would happen. But she just couldn't shake the feeling.

She tried to push it from her mind and hurry home.

* * *

"Your dress is fine. You've known Gwen for ages, do you think she's going to judge you?" Tristan asked, kicking the air in front of Antoinette for her to hurry up.

Antoinette smoothed her dress one more time. She was surprised it still looked new after being packed away for almost seven years. She was lucky it wasn't eaten by moths or covered in dust, but she had taken extra care to package and place it on a high, protected shelf.

_"It's too big," she told her mother, holding up the swimming green fabric._

_"It's for the future," her mother said with a small smile. Her skin had grown pale, and her cheeks had sunk in, but her smile was the same, so that's what Antoinette focused on. "Diana guessed at what your size will be, but you can always have it altered when the time comes."_

_"When is it for?"_

_"I'm not sure yet," her mother said, smoothing down the fabric and folding it in the perfect way she always did. Her clothes never had creases. Antoinette's always looked like she'd crumpled them under her bed. "But I won't be around forever—"_

_"Mother," Antoinette said, looking at the ceiling. "Please."_

_"Nothing is certain, Nette. I just want you to own one nice dress. Every woman should have one, for a special occasion. And if it comes along, and you need help, you'll have this dress even if I can't be there."_

_"But you are going to be there," Antoinette said, hoping her voice came out as strong as she felt the statement._

_"I'll always be with you," she said, leaning to press a kiss to her forehead. It felt like a feather brushing along her temple. "Even when I'm gone."_

"I'm ready now," Antoinette said, studying her dress one last time. It was the fanciest she owned, even to this day. Diana had been her mother's best friend, and had embroidered it with silver thread that shimmered when she moved her arms.

She lifted her head up and tried to gather courage in her chest as she looked at her brothers. She wouldn't admit it to them, but they looked handsome. Tristan, with his long hair and sparkling eyes, and Alynor with his sharp cheekbones. She was a little bit of each of them, but awkward enough to keep away most admirers. "Let's go."

"Finally," Tristan said, rising from his seat.

"We're just on time," Alynor said soothingly, nodding at them.

When Alynor went through the door, Tristan hung back for a moment, leaning toward her ear.

"You look beautiful, you dolt," he said, kissing her cheek quickly before running after his brother.

She grinned at him, her step suddenly lighter.

* * *

Antoinette held her skirts in her hands, not caring what she looked like as they walked toward the castle. The sun was falling in the sky and she saw a group of children running around outside. They usually ate much later, after their parents had finished up a day at work.

She smiled as she sidestepped a barefoot Charlie chasing his friend, and followed her brothers closely. The little boy was the butcher's son, and the younger brother of Sam. He usually kept an eye on him, but thankfully she didn't see him anywhere.

They were almost to the castle now. She could feel the air grow colder in its shadow. She felt her nerves jittering, but this time in a good way. She'd been so concerned with her dress, but now she felt passable, and she would finally get to see Gwen.

They were only a minute away now, but Alynor had stopped moving. She turned her eyes away from his back to look to his left and saw him greeting Sam. She inwardly groaned, knowing she'd have to say hello. She inched closer, hoping they'd only be a minute.

"Alright Sam?" Tristan asked, clapping the boy on the shoulder. He was a year older than Tristan, but looked much younger. His frame was wiry and fidgety while Tristan was strong and secure.

"Hello," Sam said, nodding at her brothers before looking at her. She supposed she should have taken a compliment to his eyes growing wide at her, but she felt mostly embarrassed. "You look...very nice, Antoinette," he said, gulping visibly.

He was the shyest person she'd ever met, but she didn't quite find it endearing. His face was too close together, his eyebrows almost meeting each other, his eyes always squinting underneath them, his nose always twitching in tune to his mouth.

"Thank you Sam."

"You're all fancy now because you know the future Queen?"

Antoinette groaned out loud this time as she watched Hannah stride up to them. On the list of her least favorite people, she ranked near the top. Ironically, she was quite the opposite of Sam. Her features were far apart, her eyes on other side of her wide face. She fancied Sam, and always showed up at the worst times.

"Don't forget where you come from," Hannah said, her lips a thin pink line. "Down the road," she laughed, pointing where the children were kicking up dirt.

"Well you'll have to excuse us, Hannah," Alynor said, narrowing his eyes. "We're going this way on the road tonight, for dinner with the knights. And the King," he added.

Antoinette grinned. Alynor was always the level headed one, and while her tongue wanted to lash out, Alynor always found a better way to throw someone's words back in a dignified way.

"Truly?" Sam asked, his eyes widening again. It almost made his eyebrows disconnect. "That's _exciting_."

"We'll see you lot later," Tristan said.

Antoinette started to follow them when a foot appeared in front of her. She didn't feel it until she was pitching forward, her skirts rustling around her as her palms thudded against the ground.

She supposed it hurt. Her hands were stinging and her knees felt jostled, but her first thought was her dress.

Her dress from her mother. Her only nice dress. Her dress now covered in dirt from the knees down. With the green and brown, she actually looked like a piece of the forest.

"Nette!" Alynor said, leaning down to her. "Are you alright?"

She slowly raised her head to the smug face of Hannah.

"Yes Netty," she said, "It seems you've had an accident. Are you alright?"

Antoinette lunged for her without thinking. Alynor grabbed her arms just before they reached Hannah, but she still caught a piece of her skirt and pulled. She was held back just enough that it didn't do anything except make Hannah back up.

"You did that on purpose!" Antoinette called.

"Oh yes, a real lady," Hannah smirked, continuing to back up.

"You're just jealous, Hannah," Tristan said, glaring at her as him and Alynor pulled her backwards. "Stay out of it."

Antoinette watched Hannah retreat and Sam slink back toward his younger brother. That was another reason she didn't warm to him...he never stood up for himself or anyone else.

She couldn't believe she actually thought she would make it through tonight...she hadn't even reached the front door without incident.

She looked down and her hope completely depleted. She looked like...well, like she'd rolled around in the dirt.

"It's alright, Nette. Just tell everyone was happened. You'll be sitting most of the time anyway."

Her brothers looked worried, but a little impatient. They were already running late, and they wanted to make a good impression at their first feast.

Antoinette had built herself up, and now felt her confidence drain out of her. She couldn't walk in, not just yet. She spied a water spigot and knew that could serve as an excuse.

"I'm going to try and clean it, just for a moment," she told them, "I'll be there in a minute."

"We'll wait," Alynor offered.

She noticed his eyes briefly flit toward the castle, and knew that while he would, she didn't want to make him.

"No, go up and tell them I'll be right there," Antoinette said. "We don't want them to think we're all late."

Alynor exchanged a worried look between her and the castle.

"If you're sure..." he said.

"Yes, go!"

He reluctantly turned, only looking back once as she walked over to the water. Tristan followed him, and she watched them talk to a guard before disappearing from sight.

She sighed and sat beside the water. She wouldn't be able to clean anything. She just needed a moment to cool down and decide if she could run and hide somewhere.

_"But I don't want to live without you," Antoinette insisted to her mother, trying not to cry in front of her again. "You're supposed to be at all my special occasions. Bring me the dress then."_

_She tried to thrust it back at her. The dress was for a woman, not a little girl with a penchant for wrestling with her brothers and making mischief in town. She didn't understand why her mother was rushing things. She didn't understand why she wasn't fighting to stick around._

_"Take it now, my love," her mother said, her voice tired but firm. "And when you wear it, think of me, and how I'd always known you'd look beautiful in it." _

Antoinette didn't cry easily, but she felt a few rebellious tears drip down her cheeks. Her nose burned, and she tasted salty water, which she always equated with weakness. She rubbed at them angrily, hating herself for having the reaction Hannah had hoped for.

"Ant?"

Antoinette knew only one person who called her that, and was thankful she'd wiped her tears before he squatted beside her.

"Are you alright?"

Gwaine was all jokes and teasing, and she was going to make a sarcastic remark, but she was tired and settled for the truth.

"If it wasn't obvious enough that I don't belong here, now I look like it."

He glanced at her dress before looking back at her face. She wondered if he would be serious or not.

"Times are changing," he said, "Look at the knights. Look at the new queen...you can belong here too."

"You can belong anywhere, Gwaine," she said, looking at his face. He was handsome when he smiled, but he his stern face was handsome too. "Everybody likes you, and you just..._fit_."

Antoinette stopped when she realized she was complimenting him. Her face flushed but thankfully, for once, he did not point this out.

* * *

Gwaine thought she was prettier when she blushed, but he pushed that from his mind, because she was upset and they were late, and he felt a strange feeling in his stomach when he saw her crouched over.

"My father was a knight, you know," he told her, watching her head raise in interest.

"Really?"

"Yes, and when he died and we could barely survive..." he trailed off, trying not to feel bitter again. "Let's just say I didn't have a good picture of nobles. And I didn't _want_ to fit in with them when I came here. If you'd asked me years ago if I thought I'd be a knight, I would have laughed in your face. Or punched you."

"Or both," Antoinette said lowly, a small smile on her lips.

"Probably," he laughed, feeling a twinge of accomplishment as she brightened. "But there's more to it than what I thought. It's unfair to think that all people from town are the same, right? Well it's unfair to think everyone you'll meet will look down on you. Arthur's marrying Gwen, and the knights all come to your home..."

"For my brothers," Antoinette protested. "And Gwen is a great exception."

"Exceptions make life interesting," he said, grinning at her. She had no idea how different she really was. "I may be a knight, but I'm still _myself_. And you be might have a dirty dress, but you're still _yourself_."

He saw her struggling to keep her downcast look. He was almost there.

"Yes, but I'm from the village, and for all the forward thinking, there are still those that would separate us."

"You belong where you believe you do," Gwaine insisted, "If you believe you're too lowborn for them, they'll treat you as such. But if you go in there with a high head, who's anyone to argue?"

She paused, looking down at the ground. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to convince her of this, but he knew that someone had given him a chance, and his life had changed...maybe it was his turn to pass along the favor.

"You're right," she conceded, getting to her feet.

"Great," he said, rising with her and offering his arm. "Ready to go in?"

"I'm ready to attract looks," she said with a small smile.

"You're going to attract looks no matter what you wear," Gwaine said, looking at the ground but not missing another blush on her cheeks. He reached forward and pulled up a fistful of dirt. "But if it makes you feel better..."

"Gwaine!" she said, her mouth wide.

"What?" he asked, rubbing the dirt from his throat to his chest. "Do I have something on my shirt?"

* * *

Antoinette wasn't sure if she liked Gwaine at first. But here he was, covered in dirt, escorting her into dinner. He might crack too many jokes and be a little too loud, but he was a good man.

"Just remember, you belong—"

"—where you believe you do," Antoinette finished, grinning at him. "When did you get so wise?"

"I don't know, but make it stop..." he said with a shudder, smiling down at her.

Two guards opened the doors for them. Antoinette took a deep breath. Banners were on the far side of the room, and the tables set up in rows. Arthur and Gwen were at the farthest table, their goblets being filled. The rest of the room was filled with red cloaks, and there were two ladies she could see.

They were all looking at them.

"Good evening!" Gwaine said, waving stupidly at everyone. Antoinette almost regretted that he dropped her arm, but quickly put that feeling out of her mind.

He looked down, like he was just noticing their appearance.

"Oh this...you should have seen it! A horse galloping full force at Antoinette, if I was a second later, we'd have both been trampled! We're lucky we got away with just a few dirt streaks, I'll tell you that much..."

Gwaine continued talking, walking toward the knights, while chatter resumed in the room. Antoinette began to walk toward Gwen who had the same thought and hurried forward toward her.

"Should I ask?" Gwen laughed, hugging her despite the dirt.

"I'll explain later," Antoinette said, feeling a little awed at the room.

"You know, I've invited you a few times," Gwen said, grabbing her arm and leading her toward the table. "I'm so glad you're finally here."

"Of course," Antoinette said, watching Gwaine continue his story, now adding hand gestures. She smiled and let Gwen lead her away. "Where else would I be?"

* * *

**Thank you to all who read, especially those who review! I'd love some more feedback...nudge nudge.**


	4. Chapter 4

"I am _so _excited for the wedding, I think my gown will only be second to the Queen's."

"I look forward to seeing it," Gwaine offered half-heartedly. His attention was waning, and he knew it was evident in his slouched posture. While he had once gone looking for an opportunity to talk to Lady Eleanor, once you got past appearance she didn't have much to offer except mindless chatter.

"Yes, it has gold trimmings, and I managed to push mother to get the neckline lowered just a little," she paused, knowing she had spoken without thinking. "Still modest, but more flattering. But I suppose I shouldn't be telling you," she amended, giving him a sly smile.

"I suppose you shouldn't," Gwaine replied, his knee jerk reaction to grin.

She grinned in return, but Gwaine was already regretting walking up to her in the first place, and for exchanging these pleasantries.

"You never have to worry, being a Knight. You all always look put together."

"The uniform was one reason I chose the profession," Gwaine joked. "But I'm most excited for the feast," he admitted, knowing most girls wouldn't dream about that part like he did.

"Oh yes...it should be grand," she mused. "Especially the dancing afterward."

"I was thinking more of the food," Gwaine joked. "I plan to stuff myself until I can't move, let alone dance."

Lady Eleanor was polite enough to smile, but he could see the disappointment in her eyes. She fidgeted with a piece of hair falling around her ear, the blonde curling into a ringlet.

"My brothers always look forward to dancing. And I know the ladies love being asked by them."

"Oh yes," Gwaine said, his eyes moving away from her to follow a bird eating something off the cobblestones. "Dancing has its merits."

Just as he looked away from the bird, Gwaine saw Antoinette walking by with a crate poised on her hip. Her hair was down, tousled by the wind as she walked forward. He noticed that she always looked like she had purpose.

His eyes flitted back to Lady Eleanor. She didn't do much with purpose, except gossip and search for a husband. Gwaine was suddenly very aware of the fact that he did not wish to do either of these things.

"Perhaps you'll save me a dance," Lady Eleanor said, trying to draw back his attention.

"I shall," he confirmed, his eyes briefly catching hers before looking to his left. He caught a glimpse of red come around the corner, followed by a flash of chain mail. He'd never been more happy to see a fellow knight.

He gave Leon his most desperate look, hoping Eleanor didn't notice. He reached them in a few broad steps, changing his pace from relaxed to quick. Gwaine almost smiled but tried to appear curious.

"Sorry to interrupt, Lady Eleanor," Leon said, giving her a polite smile. "But may I borrow Gwaine for our training?"

* * *

"Do you have the pepper?"

"Of course. Next to the salt," Antoinette said, pointing to the jar.

"And the garlic?"

"Right in the back."

"And just a bit of coriander?"

"As requested," Antoinette confirmed.

Hilda peered into the crate one more time. Her nose had a sharp hook that was more prominent from this angle, and probably why Antoinette had always thought her features were thin and bird-like.

"Have I forgotten anything yet?" Antoinette asked. "It's time you've started trusting me, Hilda."

Hilda narrowed her eyes and reached into her apron. She withdrew a black pouch and handed it to Antoinette, always begrudgingly, as if she was paying out of her own pocket rather than the King's.

"If I have any problems..."

"You know where to find me," Antoinette finished with a smile. Hilda always gave her a hard time, but she always referred Antoinette to other people. They never spoke of this fact, but it made Antoinette look on the chastising old lady with fondness...even if she was glaring at her.

"And—"

Hilda was cut off by a crash. They both turned around to see Arthur's servant Merlin standing in front of a shattered mug, his mouth twisted into an expression of surprise. The kitchen's buzz of chatter and mixing paused for a moment, as if waiting for a reaction.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said, scooping down to pick up the fragments. He avoided Hilda's eyes but Antoinette could see his face scrunch in anticipation of a reprimand.

"You stupid boy!" Hilda said, her voice only a little louder than usual. "Always barging in here, making a mess!"

"I'm sorry, I was reaching for something..."

"Keep your eyes open! What do you need anyway? You should ask me before you go nosing around," Hilda said forcefully. Antoinette mused that if a statue was ever made of her, her hands would be forever on her hips.

"The King asked me to bring the knights some water for their break," Merlin said, bundling up the broken pieces in a nearby cloth. Antoinette imagined that years of Arthur's teasing had forced him into calmness. She wouldn't have been able to handle Hilda so nonchalantly.

"Well hurry up about it, before you break something else!"

Hilda brushed past him, leaving an imagined trail of fire in her wake. Antoinette smiled, feeling partly sorry for Merlin, and partly grateful that he got Hilda to walk away from her.

She put her crate beside her and bent to help Merlin pick up the few remaining parts. For a small cup, it had broken into quite a few pieces.

"Thank you, Antoinette," he said with a smile, tying the cloth into a bundle.

"No problem at all," she replied, wiping off her dress as she stood. "For once, I wasn't Hilda's least favorite person in the room."

Merlin laughed, shaking his head.

"No, I always manage to be that person, I'm afraid."

"You're going to training?" Antoinette asked as they rose to their feet.

Her mind was already churning. She had been dying to see her brothers in action, see for herself how they stood up against the knights. See if she thought they'd really be joining their ranks. And Mrs. Mortimer didn't expect her back until later...

"I'm walking that way, and I'm kind of curious to see what it's all about," Antoinette added, watching Merlin grab a huge pitcher to fill.

"You can come along if you'd like. The boys like to show off when someone's watching, though, I'll have to warn you," he said with a smile.

"I'm used to it, unfortunately," Antoinette sighed, thinking of how many times Tristan had hurt himself trying to impress somebody.

They were walking toward the door when Hilda suddenly blocked their path.

"Tell Mrs. Mortimer the same order for next time," she said, nodding at Antoinette before turning back to the kitchen staff.

"So what did you do to Hilda?" Merlin whispered as they both grinned and ducked through the doorway around an incoming servant.

"I spilled pepper here on my first delivery," Antoinette sighed. "People's eyes were watering for hours. You?"

They were nearing the outside, and Antoinette could feel the warmth of the sun as the morning stretched into afternoon.

"I stole _one_ roll..." Merlin said, looking behind him. With a smile, he delved into his pocket and withdrew a roll. "And then another," he added, pulling out one more and handing it to her.

She tilted her head back and laughed, accepting it with a smile.

"I did mean what you did before today," Antoinette said, balancing the crate in one arm to hold the roll in the other.

"How much time do you have?"

* * *

Tristan was fighting Arthur when Antoinette and Merlin approached the knights. His hair was pasted to his forehead and his neck with sweat, but his eyes were bright with energy. The grass they were on was worn down with footsteps of fighters, but the surrounding area was green and vibrant.

Tristan aimed a hit to Arthur's left arm that he blocked, steel singing in the air as their swords collided. The other men were cheering them on, and she wondered how they garnered such enthusiasm to do this day after day.

Arthur now took his turn on Tristan, who managed to block a hit in his stomach region by twisting uncomfortably out of the way.

"Who do you think will win?"

Antoinette smiled as she heard Leon's voice beside her. His own hair was slick with sweat and she supposed he had just recovered from a spar.

"Am I allowed to bet against my own blood?" she asked, looking back to her brother.

"I won't tell."

Just as she was about to answer, Tristan moved again, but this time his jerk had made him off balance. Arthur noticed the weakness, and with a hard hit knocked Tristan's sword from his hand. Tristan's chest heaved as he stared at his sword and Arthur held his own blade to Tristan's body.

"I yield," Tristan said dejectedly.

"A good fight. You almost had me a few times," Arthur said, lowering his sword and patting him on the back. "You've come a long way."

Tristan beamed at Arthur, which made Antoinette smile. Tristan was always the one who wanted to appear cool and calm, and seeing him admire someone else so much reminded her of how vulnerable he was.

Antoinette now caught Alynor's eye, and he gave her a look of mixed confusion while he waved.

"Merlin!" Arthur called. "You've got the water?"

Antoinette stepped back as the knights all surrounded Merlin, most of them taking notice of her but not commenting on it. She supposed they were too thirsty from all the training to really want to address her.

"Antoinette!" Alynor called, pushing past the knights. "What are you doing here?"

She noticed Tristan and Gwaine turn to her as well, and she nodded slightly as them.

"I was just delivering some spices for the wedding."

* * *

"Oh...the wedding," Gwaine grunted, rubbing his face.

"Yes," Antoinette answered slowly. "Is that a problem, Sir Gwaine?"

"No, but I am all full up on wedding talk," Gwaine explained, his mind flickering back to Lady Eleanor. Antoinette was so concerned with her gown for their dinner, he wondered if she would have Lady Eleanor's concerns. "Do you know what you're going to wear?" he teased, tilting forward with a grin.

Gwaine watched Antoinette's face turn to confusion.

"No...but no one will be looking at me that day. I'm sure Gwen's gown will be perfect. And she will be so happy that she'll look even better."

Gwaine's next comment dropped from his mouth for a moment as he thought of how startling opposite his two conversations had been.

"And the feast?" Gwaine asked slowly to test his theory.

"It is going to be the highlight of the night," Antoinette said adamantly. "I made sure to put extra salt in the crate since the cook usually doesn't use that much. She doesn't like me so she doesn't listen when I say everything tastes better with more salt...but I think she'll heed me this time."

Gwaine felt his eyes fix on her, and his mouth twist into a half smile, but he almost didn't register it because of the short flare he felt in his stomach. As the other knights began to talk to each other and leave their conversation, and Antoinette began to blush, and he filtered back into reality.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, her eyelids lowering so she was practically looking through her eyelashes.

"Oh," he said, looking away, "No reason."

Gwaine wasn't sure why he was staring. Or what he was feeling. All he knew was that he liked that she changed the conversation to someone else's happiness. And that she had more cares in the world than her clothes. And there was a spot, just above her cheekbones that flared apple red when she blushed.

* * *

Sorry for the wait on this one! Review if you like it. ;)


	5. Chapter 5

_Tristan was in trouble. And not just in trouble with Alynor, which meant disappointment and harsh glances, or Antoinette, which meant a tongue whipping and then stony silence, but real trouble, of the potentially dangerous and painful variety. _

_He was just so hungry. All the time. He could actually feel his stomach, an empty and painful ache that never went away. And looking at his brother tearing off a piece of his own bread for their sister while his bones became more defined made him angry. And his sister's dresses becoming looser and looser made him even angrier._

_He thought the gambling would help him make more money. Money that would buy them food and make the stale aired rooms filled with drunk men and raucous laughter worth it. Money that would make his brother smile and his sister hum while she walked again. _

_But it didn't. He spent a little at first, and a little more, and convinced himself it would work, but it only made things worse until one day he owed more than he had. Much more._

_So he took his empty stomach and his even emptier pockets to a man whose name he'd heard in the bars and crowded rooms. He felt like he was selling his soul, but the other option wasn't much better._

_Doran was not a frightening man in appearance. He was shorter than Tristan expected, devoid of almost all hair except a thin ring of brown near his ears and rosy cheeks. He didn't glare or scowl, but Tristan almost wished he would. Sometimes smiles were the hardest things to read._

_"What do you want, boy?" Doran asked, peering at Tristan. He was seated on a high stool so they were eye to eye, but Tristan knew he would be the taller one if they stood back to back._

_"I've heard you make loans," Tristan said, his eyes moving around the room, which was empty save for Doran and two dark haired men who sat a few feet away, not looking but definitely listening to the conversation. _

_Doran studied him for a moment, his grin not disappearing. His lips were red with wine._

_"I do," Doran confirmed. _

_Tristan almost let out a breath of relief, but Doran soon spoke and crushed it._

_"With men. Not lost boys who can't repay their debts."_

_Confirming his earlier suspicions, the two men at the table let out laughs. Tristan always teased Antoinette for blushing but as the blood flowed straight to his cheeks he realized how awful it was to point out that someone had turned red. He felt foolish and small. _

_"I can repay it," Tristan insisted, steeling his jaw. "I'm starting a job with my brother soon."_

_"Yes, and I'm going to be crowned King next week."_

_Tristan's throat blazed with anger as he choked back an insult._

_"I'm not lying. It's with the blacksmith, Kelman. You can ask him." _

_Doran paused for a second, contemplating his goblet of wine. It must have been gold at some point but was tarnished now._

_"I know Kelman," he finally said. "And I will ask him. But I have one question first."_

_"Yes?"_

_"What kind of trouble are you in?" _

Tristan pulled his cloak closer. It was one of those Summer days where the chill held on with the growing clouds. Either that or he was nervous, as he tended to be every time he came here.

It wasn't the edge of town, or even a bad part of town, but he felt like he had a layer of dirt on him every time he came. He kept his eyes low and on the dusty ground. It was hard living in a village where you knew mostly everyone, but if he kept his eyes down and his cloak close hopefully no one would look.

It had been a year since that day, a year of worrying each month that someone would see him slip away, or that Doran would demand more money, but someone he had managed. He had paid more than half back, but now that he was in training, he worried of someone finding out. It would tarnish his reputation and surely ruin his chances of a better life, but he just had to wait a little longer.

He would have more money once he became a knight, and he would pay it all to Doran, and never look back.

* * *

"Stay, Antoinette. I'll ask my husband to go tomorrow," Mrs. Mortimer said, peering at the sky. "It looks like rain."

"I can be back before it starts," Antoinette said, fastening a cloak around her shoulders. "You need your medicine tonight."

"I can last one day with nightmares!"

"You shouldn't have to," Antoinette insisted. Mrs. Mortimer was plagued with nightmares that left her tossing and turning. After Gwen told her of Gaius helping Lady Morgana with the same thing, she had been able to sleep with his help, but she had ran out of it and was now regretting telling Antoinette of this fact.

"You'll be tired for tomorrow!"

"Nonsense. I like walking!"

"You are going to ignore all of my arguments, aren't you?" Mrs. Mortimer asked with a sigh so big that it wrinkled her dress.

"Of course," Antoinette said brightly. "I'll see you soon!"

* * *

Antoinette was crouching under a tree, inspecting the leaves of a plant that grew under it. She was on the edge of town now, taking her time getting back because she knew she'd just be sitting in her home alone. She'd told Gaius she'd help him get some herbs he'd been needing, but really she welcomed the distraction.

She wasn't as good at identifying herbs as she was spices, but she was pretty sure this was the right one. She began to dig in her pocket for a small knife when she spotted a figure walking quickly in the nearby town.

She was far away, but Tristan had a telltale walk. Quick, sure footsteps. He was taller than all of them, even Alynor, too, and his blue cloak was fastened around his shoulders. He only had one cloak, so it had turned a strange mishmash of dark and light blue that told her it was him.

But what was he doing here? The boys were supposed to be at the blacksmith right now. Training in the morning, work in the afternoon...that's what they'd told her. But here Tristan was, on the opposite side of town from where he was supposed to be...

The forest followed the town pretty closely, save for a few twists and turns. The nearest home wasn't for yards away, separated by a low stone wall, but she could keep her eye on him if she moved quickly...

So she did. She abandoned the herbs and walked under the cover of the trees. No one would see her unless they were specifically looking, thanks to her dark cloak and the ever growing clouds in the sky. She almost thought it would start raining just to accompany her dark thoughts.

Tristan's walk was quick, as he had much longer legs and even more purpose. She lost him every time he walked in the way of a house or horse, but found him again if she kept her eyes peeled.

She tried to be quiet, and sidestep particularly vulnerable twigs, but she feared she was still making noise tramping on the littered forest floor.

As she almost tripped for the third time, she pushed her hair from her face and kneeled under a tree, seeing Tristan slow down. She could barely see his face, but from here his expression looked strange to her. He was near a small cottage, with no particularly striking characteristics on the outside except for a heavy looking wooden door. What could it be?

"What are we looking for?"

Her heart flew against her chest, making her breath escape in a gasp as she jumped and turned to the voice. She dropped the skirts she was holding up from the dirt and put her hands on her chest as she saw a grinning Gwaine standing beside her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, looking to where she had been moments before.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she countered, regaining her composure slowly as she stood up beside him. He still towered over her, but less than before.

"Following you," he said simply, still smiling.

Antoinette had to give it to him—he didn't embarrass easily. And she could always trust him to be honest.

"Is that an acceptable thing where you're from?" she asked, smoothing her hair. It had gotten caught on a low hanging branch earlier and probably looked like she'd run through a windstorm. Gwaine's hair looked better than hers, curling nicely around his ears, and she felt even worse.

"And just what are you doing?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm...I'm..." Antoinette looked around for a moment, gathering her thoughts before settling for the truth—not without a forceful tone and a reddened cheek. "Following my brother."

"And is that_ more_ acceptable?" he chuckled, still staring at her.

"He's family," she argued, throwing her hands in the air.

"We're friends," Gwaine said, smiling at the confused look on her face. "Or do you disagree? Because sometimes you get quite flustered around me, and I wonder if that will lead to swooning. It has happened before—"

"—I'm not flustered, I'm _frustrated_," Antoinette corrected with a glare. "And don't pretend like no one's ever told you were frustrating before."

"Never!" Gwaine insisted with a nudge to her shoulder. "Talkative? Perhaps. And an 'annoying' every once and a while, although I prefer lively..."

"You're not quite helping your case," Antoinette said eyeroll, although she couldn't help but chuckle.

"No, but I fulfilled my intention."

"Which was?" Antoinette asked slowly, turning her head to look up at him.

"To get you to laugh," he replied with a smirk.

Antoinette let her gaze fall to her shoes. She was suddenly very aware of how close they were standing. If she still had a father, she expected he would be quite disapproving of the whole situation. She didn't do much like a lady, but she did feel strange at being alone with a man with no one around to watch or listen.

So instead she turned her attention to her original problem and she inched away from Gwaine, even though he smelled like fresh grass and apples, and he made her laugh without her realizing.

"I've lost sight of him," Antoinette said, crouching again to let her eyes move from the small cottages to the dusty roads. She didn't see her brother's cloak or figure anywhere.

"And why is it so bad that he's over here?" Gwaine asked.

Antoinette almost jumped at his voice again, because he'd crouched beside her to look with her line of vision. She breathed in just once before speaking.

"Because he's supposed to be at the blacksmith's. And he looks serious...Tristan doesn't often look serious."

"You don't give him enough credit," Gwaine told her, straightening his spine. "He takes training very seriously."

"And not much else," Antoinette said. "I know his faces. He was serious...and afraid?"

She turned away from town now, back toward the forest. She figured she might as well go the way she'd come.

"Well you can ask him later." Gwaine scratched his neck, frowning.

Antoinette nodded absentmindedly. Tristan was only a year older than her, but she'd always felt responsible for him. He was carefree and fun and it sometimes got him into more trouble than he could handle. Only a year ago, her and Alynor would sit up nights worrying about him staying at the tavern too long. She didn't want him to become a knight almost more than anything, but at least it would make him more responsible, or so she hoped.

Antoinette began walking back, not bothering to try to be quiet now. Her feet squished against old, matted leaves and cracked small broken twigs. She felt Gwaine following her, but for once, he had nothing to say.

They had been walking for a few minutes when she heard a roll of thunder in the sky. She turned her eyes upward as the first drops began to fall.

"Oh perfect," she grumbled, pulling her cloak around her arms.

"Well at least I can skip the bath later," Gwaine said as the droplets clung to his hair.

Antoinette couldn't help but smile, but he couldn't see her as she walked ahead, her pace quickening.

But it didn't matter. They were too far, and the rain was not going to be a quick shower. She felt it start to seep through to the skin under her dress and squish into her shoes.

"Would you like to run?" Gwaine asked as the rain grew harder. The drops sounded against the ground and dripped from the leaves, clinging to her face like liquid freckles. One rolled from her nose to her lips as she smiled.

"Yes please, Sir Gwaine."

He smiled and darted off first, his red cloak flowing behind him. She followed the bright color as the rain made a blurry curtain over the forest. She desperately hoped she wouldn't slip and make a fool of herself.

"Keep up, Ant!" Gwaine called, slowing to reach her.

"You're in better shape than I am!" she protested, her hair sticking to her neck and the sides of her face. She tried to push them away but they clung to skin as much as her now wet dress.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her forward, making her faster, and making her more sure of her footing. She laughed as he pushed the foliage away with his other hand, swinging it like there was an oncoming dragon. His own hair was pasted to his head, and there was water in his beard, but his eyes sparkled anyway.

As they ran, she forgot about her brothers and danger and dead parents and hunger, and felt the trees and the rain around her, and didn't care that it was all seeping into her skin.

Gwaine must have felt the same, because he laughed and shouted things to her the whole way, about plants and skies and rain.

They stopped when they reached her side of town. Antoinette realized the home journey was much quicker, not only because they were running, but simply because Gwaine had a knack of making her feel better when she least expected it.

* * *

"Well, there's our exercise for today," Gwaine said, shaking his hair out, breathing heavily. "A lovely day for a good run."

Antoinette didn't bother with her smoothing her hair, or fixing her dress, but just stood there dripping with a strange look on her face.

"How do you do that?" she asked, much more breathless than Gwaine. The air leaving her lips was audible. Gwaine had barely noticed they were running so hard.

"What?" he asked, running a hand through his hair and tucking it behind his ears.

"Always make things seem better than they are," she said, her mouth somewhere between a smile and a frown, which Gwaine didn't know was possible. "I wish I could do that."

Gwaine felt the mood shift, and his voice softened along with it.

"There are different ways to stay sane. I prefer jokes and optimism."

"I thought you just couldn't take things seriously," she said honestly, bowing her head. "But you're just being strong in your own way."

She paused, looking toward her house, which she couldn't see from here. He had to go the other way toward the castle, but he was in no rush. And for once, he didn't feel the need to make a joke or lighten the mood.

"Thank you for walking with me," she said, smiling and nodding at him before starting to walk toward her home. "Or running, I suppose."

Gwaine nodded and bit his lip, watching her for a few moments before she turned back around.

"And Gwaine?"

"Yes?" he asked, holding his breath in his throat.

He watched her smile go from the sarcastic one he usually saw to a genuine, eye brightening one.

"I'm lucky to be your friend."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Not much feedback on the last one, so I'm hoping for some more responses to this one! Also thank you so much to those who review and don't have an account so I can't reply personally! **


	6. Chapter 6

_Antoinette had little trouble getting up the tree, but now her stomach twisted when she looked down. It hadn't seemed quite so far when she was scaling the branches. She felt her fear rise as her brother's voices faded away, replaced by the chirping of birds and a distant hammering._

_"Alynor!" she called, trying to peer into the distance for his dark head. "Tristan!"_

_"And just how did you get up there?" _

_Antoinette's fear subsided as she looked down at her father. His hair was starting to gray, but his eyes were bright and sparkled as he peered up at her. _

_"I climbed," she told him, wishing he could fly up and grab her._

_"And why can't you climb down then, my little Netty?" he asked, placing down the basket he was holding._

_"I'm scared," she said, moving slightly and feeling the fear come back._

_"Jump down. Don't be scared, I'll catch you."_

_"What if you miss?"_

_"Just close your eyes and jump," he urged._

_His voice alone soothed her. It was the one who told her stories every night, the one she could hear vibrate in her mind when she fell asleep, and the one she heard when clamoring in the kitchen woke her up. She trusted it, and him._

_Antoinette shakily crouched, the bark scratching against her palm as she leaned heavily against the tree trunk. She saw her father's outstretched arms and took a deep breath, holding her skirt in the other hand. Her mother would be angry that she got so dirty and even ripped a bit of the hem, but she would worry about that later._

_Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and jumped down. Her stomach flew upwards, but she knew it wouldn't be long. The wind hit her skin and for one second, she opened her eyes. Her father was gone. Nothing was to be seen except the dull brown dirt that she was now careening toward..._

Screaming, she woke up.

* * *

Antoinette was still frazzled from her dream when she rushed to Mrs. Mortimer's house. They didn't have any deliveries today but Mrs. Mortimer wanted to take stock of everything they had and plan the next trip to buy spices. She was probably worried about her, since Antoinette had never been late a day in her life.

She pushed past some children fighting with sticks as swords and had just turned a corner when she ran right into Hannah.

She sighed, then groaned, then tried to move around her, but she wasn't having it. Antoinette tried to focus on something around her, like the constant sound of wood hitting each other, and hoped it would keep her calm.

"Watch where you're going, Snooty," Hannah said, wiping the bottom of her dress off. It was probably dirty anyway, considering the dust that pervaded the town.

Antoinette hadn't seen her since the tripping incident, and she was in no mood to deal with her now. She wasn't one to complain about dirty dresses, that's for sure.

"Just leave it, Hannah," she seethed, barely making contact with her wide gaze.

"I do hope your dress wasn't ruined, although it must have been, if you're wearing this," Hannah said, giving her a once over.

"My dress is being cleaned at the castle," Antoinette said, her voice like steel. "The queen requested it herself."

Hannah sneered, hating to be bested.

"Are you rushing to meet your little knight?" she asked, searching for a nerve to strike.

Antoinette actually paused this time, raising her eyes to meet Hannah's brown ones. They were full of well-aimed malice, and Antoinette's morphed to match them.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you go off into the forest yesterday," Hannah said, her smirk growing. "And then I saw a knight follow you in. Is that where you meet? You can try and _persuade_ him all you want, Antoinette, but nothing is going to change that you're lowborn."

Antoinette's attention focused on the way she said "persuade" and she swear she could feel her body temperature rise. With any luck, she'd become a dragon and be able to spit fire all over, but until then, she was stuck with only heated words.

"I am not trying to do anything with any of the knights," Antoinette said, "If you were a decent person maybe you would understand that there are more reasons to talk to someone besides manipulation," Antoinette's tone was cold, but she tried to keep it even as not to betray the emotions threatening to spill over.

"So if not for status, then what?" Hannah asked, tilting her head to the side. "Love?"

Antoinette's cheeks betrayed her now, stained a nice shade of rose, and she pulled her skirts up to leave.

Hannah laughed coldly, her eyes glittering.

"Tell me you don't love him, Antoinette," Hannah said, giving her a fake look of sympathy. "He is not one for marriage, if any of the tales from the taverns are true..."

"You don't know anything about him!" Antoinette found herself defending, then wondered why she was when she had heard rumors of Gwaine as well. "He has more morals than you, that's for certain."

"I know more than you think," Hannah said, "And you're foolish to think he'll change because of someone like _you_."

"Well then lucky for me I'm not trying to change him," Antoinette said, making her spine as straight as it could be. "And I'm not speaking of love with someone who wants to marry the butcher's son."

Antoinette had seen Sam move closer to them and almost regretted her choice when he spoke up.

"What's she on about?" Sam asked, scratching his dull head.

Hannah's eyes grew wide as she looked over at him.

"Nothing," Hannah said quickly, her own cheeks reddening.

Antoinette pushed around her for good this time, happy that she got out some of the nervous energy she had, but wishing she had maybe done it more gracefully. Something about Hannah made her forget any manners she'd ever learned...

She tried to shake it from her mind when she walked down the street.

* * *

As if he showed up when he was being mentioned, Gwaine suddenly appeared at her side, giving her a wry smile. Had he heard? She felt her heart flutter at the thought, but decided it was impossible...they were in a narrow space and she surely would have seen him.

"Good morning," he greeted.

"Are you following me again?" Antoinette asked, her voice coming out a bit sharper than she intended.

"No," Gwaine said, his smile fading. "I was just in town and I was going to ask you if you talked to Tristan."

Immediately feeling guilty and knowing her attitude had stemmed mostly from Hannah, Antoinette tried to soften her expression.

"Oh no," she said, "I fell asleep before he got home. And then he was gone when I woke up. I don't think he'll tell me anyway..."

"Why not?"

"Tristan and Alynor have a silly notion to protect me," Antoinette explained, slowing her pace.

"Why is that silly?" Gwaine asked. "Some would call it chivalrous."

"I'm in favor or chivalry." Antoinette bit her lip. "But keeping things from me...important things about our life...it just makes me feel worse. They don't know that I just worry more when they try to keep secrets."

"Would you like me to talk to him?" Gwaine asked. "He certainly doesn't care enough about me to spare my feelings," he said with a wink.

Antoinette felt her body lighten like strings were pulling her upward. Surely Tristan would tell a fellow knight his story, and then she could see if she had true cause to worry or not.

"That would be perfect!" Antoinette said, smiling up at him. She was now glad that she defended him, for no matter what his _pursuits_, he was showing to be honorable in most respects.

And then she paused. Why was he being honorable to her? He certainly wasn't reaping a benefit she could see, unless he..._expected_ something of her. Her body inflamed at the thought, and she was very glad that Gwaine had looked away in thought.

"I should give you something as a token of thanks," Antoinette muttered, stopping as they reached Mrs. Mortimer's house.

"Oh yes? And what will that be?" Gwaine asked, stopping in front of her and giving her a grin that made her heart forget to work.

"Dessert, perhaps?"

"Well that's not normally the way women thank me for something..."

"Gwaine!" Antoinette's eyes grew wide and she crossed her arms. Maybe she was wrong to defend him after all...

"I'm joking!" Gwaine said, laughing at her expression. "Well, not entirely. But mostly it was just to see your face," he said, reaching a hand to touch her red-hot cheek.

Antoinette thought it was impossible to feel such a mix of emotions at once. Heat, embarrassment, anxiety, and excitement flooded her veins. She ducked her head and Gwaine dropped his hand, but his face still held the ghost of a laugh.

"I'm not helping what that horrible girl said about me, am I?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

_So he had heard._

Antoinette bit her lip and looked up at him. He looked almost vulnerable, despite joking just a moment before.

"Hannah wouldn't know a good man if he knocked her in the head," Antoinette persisted. "And she certainly doesn't know anything about you. I wouldn't worry what she thinks."

"And what do you think?"

Antoinette's swirl of feelings had dulled to a sort of ache, one that pulled in her chest. She felt her breathing quicken, and hoped that her words wouldn't betray anything her mind wasn't quite sure of yet.

"Antoinette! I was starting to think you...oh hello, who's this?"

Antoinette watched Gwaine shake from his seriousness and turn to Mrs. Mortimer. She'd never been unhappy to see the woman before until now. She tried to calm her nerves and shaking hands because if anyone would see through Antoinette, it would be her.

She vaguely heard Gwaine introducing himself, but she was too busy studying her feet to notice.

"It was nice to meet you, but I have to get to training," Gwaine said, nodding at Mrs. Mortimer before turning to Antoinette. "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Yes," Antoinette said, her body so disconnected from her voice that she was surprised she managed to say anything at all.

"Good. Dessert, I believe, is in my future," he said, nodding at her too before walking back toward the castle.

Mrs. Mortimer was giving her a look when she walked in the door, one that she very pointedly made sure to ignore.

* * *

**So this faded into oblivion for a while, and then I had four reviews within a few days...if that was a conspiracy to get me to update, it worked! Thank you so much to everyone who reads this!**


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